Specific life,
Hello world my
name is Walter Loh and I am a cancer survivor who is still breathing until
today. Today I am 50 years old and I was affected by colon cancer 10 years ago.
My life is full of regrets in the past. Regrets which I create before I got my
colon cancer. The moment when I knew I got colon cancer, I felt onto my knees,
crying badly at the hospital. I nearly committed suicide at ‘Pantai hospital’
but one of the nurses saw my action and prevent me from doing so. She gave me a few advices and answered the
entire question that was in my mind during that time. Today I am walking from
one place to another giving talk to public about cancer awareness but very few
people are taking action to help us and also not feeling sympathize for us
which make us left out in the society. We sometimes think that are we meant to
be still alive until today when the society does not care about us? Are we still useful to help the nation to
take a step a head to the new frontier? Or are we just an experiment for people
to see how we survive this far?
Well let me share
a story with you people that I experience before. My mom passed away when I was
35 years old due to a heart attack. From there I become very specific on every
meal I take. I will have to count the calories that were present in every meal
I took daily and have to limit myself to a total number of calories per day. I
even took up a few classes in the fitness to keep my healthy and fit because I
would not want to die the same way my mother did and suffer like what she
suffer when she was about to die. ‘Prevention is better than cure’. That idiom
hit my head hard and changed my life after the death of my mom. My friends
always call me crazy whenever I eat with them because I will look at the menu
and used the calculator in my phone to count the number of calories that I am
going to consume for that particular meal.
One day,
when I was having reunion dinner with my family, my mother in law on my sister side kept on nagging about me having to
calculate the calories that was present on each meal on the table. “ Walter
Loh! Don’t be a fool of yourself having to count the number of calories on each
meal and tell us what to eat and what not to eat. Your brother here who is the eldest
in your family ordered the food for us all here to enjoy and you are just
making people losing their appetite. What would life be when you are limiting
yourself from having fun? ‘You only live once’ simply means that the we were
only giving a chance to live for once and once we die, we might not get a 2nd
chance to reborn as a human again. Therefore, enjoy life to the fullest when we
are still breathing!”.
I was
kept silence for a moment until I came up with a sentence to reply my mother in
law. “ I am sorry and let’s have fun!”. Everyone begin to start eating while I
force myself to take every dish on the table to make everyone feel happy. We
were all busy chatting and laughing throughout the meal. The meal ended with everyone smiling. We waved
good bye to each other and promised ourselves that we will be visiting one
another on the 1st day of Chinese New Year.
5 years
later, my life is getting tougher. The
pain in my belly and the unexplained lose weight makes me worry a lot because I
am always careful for what I eat. One day I decided to consult a doctor. The doctor examines me and when he comes to
his conclusion, I had butterfly in my stomach.
“ Walter,
based on your reports and the test on your blood samples, I am afraid to tell
you that you have colon cancer!” the doctor informed me. “ What? How could that even be possible when
I am so careful for what I eat everyday? I even calculate the calories on every
food I eat and limit myself to a total number of calories I can have in each
meal? I even force myself not to eat much meat but more vegetables? Why? Doctor
tells me why?” Walter asked with his wild eyes. “ Walter, did anyone of your family member
die of colon cancer?” the doctor asked me curiously. “ My dad did!” I replied.
“ Then that colon cancer was inherited
from your dad!” the doctor explained. “ Then all this while I am wasting
my life not being able to eat good food! Damn myself! I never thought that my
life would end up like my dad. I thought that when I take precaution, I will
stay away from any diseases but end up my effort is just a waste!” Walter
sobbed. “Why did you even plan to calculate the calories on each meal you
take?” the doctor asked Walter curiously. “Because my mom died of heart attack!”
I answered and left the room sobbing. I
ran to the highest floor and pushed a door which leads me to the rooftop of a
hospital. A nurse who saw me went into a door which is only’ authorize for the
staff’ followed me up. I almost jumped off from the building but was stopped
form by the nurse who yelled towards my direction. She is the girl who changed my life and made
me who I am today. Without her, I won’t be living up till today and giving this
talk.
After
hearing what the nurse had told me I quickly drove home from the hospital once
I got my medication and went back straight to my apartment to call up my big
brother to come over to my place immediately. Once he had arrived at the door
step, I quickly open the door and he saw that I was crying badly. “ Walter what
happen?” Louis, my brother asked me. “ I have cancer! Why must I be the one
having cancer? Why?” I sobbed.
“ You have cancer? Who told you that?”
“ I went to the hospital earlier this afternoon and have a
medical check up because I was having pain in my belly for a month and also feeling fatigue lately
even though I had long hours of sleep. I
had been skipping for work for nearly 2 weeks because I was tired. When the
results came out from the lab, the doctor told me that I had colon cancer!”I
explained.
“ What?” Louis blurted out. “Melissa mother in law was
indeed correct about me 5 years back! I never take her words seriously and end
up my life is filled with nothing fun by having myself not to eat all the fancy
food you people eat everyday. I guess
sometimes what old people says is true!,” Walter said with his bug eyes. “
Walter! Having fun is not only on food but on anything you do with your heart
and passion. Foods that we eat are the taste which makes us feel delightful
only. Fun can be cerate in any environment. Besides that, you still have time
now before you depart. So stop blaming yourself and do something fun in return.
It is never too late to turn over a new leaf even though we know that our life
is about to come to an end,” Louis tried to cheer me up.
“ How am I
suppose to do whatever you are talking about?” I asked. “ Well start by writing
down the things you really want to do before you die!” Louis answered my
question. “ I see!” I muttered. “ I will
help you tell Melissa about what you had been affected and let us play ‘PS3’ to
clear things out from your mind. Alright?” Louis said as he tabbed my back. “
Alright!” I replied and he went to took the ‘PS3’ at my drawer and set it up.
Once the console has been switched on, we were both playing ‘Call of Duty:
Ghost” happily.
The next day, a
phone call woke me up. I answered it while I was half asleep. “Walter! Why
didn’t you call me and told me about it instead of your brother?” Mellissa
flared. “ I am sorry sis! I just got no guts to call you and say that your
mother in law is right about me. That’s why I was scared to make a phone call
to you last night!” I replied with guiltiness in me. “ But I am still your
sister right?” Melisa asked curiously. “ You are and always will!” I answered
her question. “ So how can I help you now?” Melisa wanted to know. “ For the
time being, I would like to be alone!” I said. “ You sure about it?” Melissa
said. “ I am sure!” I exclaimed.
“ If you need
anything, just call me will do and I am willing to help you out!
“ Sure sis!” I replied and we both left the conversation
after saying ‘goodbye to each other’.
After talking
with my sister on the phone, I lay on the bed staring at the ceiling to think
what I should do next. An hour later, an
idea pops up from my mind. I quickly phone my company and told them about my
situation and wanted to resign. The company that I worked on approved my
resignation and I went on a holiday trip to Bali for a week exploring the place
and enjoy the beautiful scenery. Bali is a place for relaxation and I enjoy it
very much even though I travel alone to Bali. Once I came back from Bali, I
decided to give motivational talk and create a blog for my own.
Today, I
am still living because of the desire I have in the path I chose. The path we
chose must have desire and passion in it to keep the path alive. Every path has
its own heart to pump blood throughout the path we chose. The moment the heart
of our path stop, we will be frozen and will not be able to move unless we use
electricity to shock our heart to regain back its functionality. Sometimes in
our life, we may be stuck for what we do but in order to keep on going forward,
we need guidance and help to guide us forward because no men can stands on its
own. Furthermore, death is chosen. I am still struggling to survive because I
have a few more things to do before I die and once my goal have been achieve, I
am ready to depart from earth and stop struggling to live. Many youngsters nowadays
are committing suicide due to relationship and money issues. Well let me tell
you something, people who commit suicide will leave sorrow behind and also the
things which the dream to be in the future. Who will be there to fulfill your
dream after your death? We live so far and yet some people want to end their
life because of love or sometimes money issues. For love, we can’t say that
love is blind but the people who we fall in love with used their charm to charm
us in order to get what they really want
from you since the beginning that you both met... Besides that for the money
part, we can always find another way to get back the money we lost by starting
small like investment.
My
brother told me that fun can be cerate in any environment and it is true. For
an example, when students get bored in class, the teacher will think out of the
box to do something fun like telling a joke that he or she experience
themselves which is hilarious. My last
goal that I am going to achieve in two weeks time is to travel to ‘Bali’ and
enjoy the beautiful scenery that I last saw when I travel to ‘Bali’ for the 1st time. Once I am done with it, I am ready to give
back my life to god.
Well, I have
come to an end for my talk but let me remind you people about something which
you people always forget. People who are always serious for everything they do,
they will miss out the fun other people
are enjoying. Don’t be so serious in
what we do everyday but have fun in the process of doing our work because life
is short. We will never know when god wants us but we can always tell god to
wait by struggling to live like me. Furthermore people who are specific in what
they do will also tend to lose the fun people are enjoying. Enjoy life to the fullest when we are still
breathing so that we will not die with regret in us. The life we are living in
is just once and might not get a 2nd chance to be reborn as human
again and be what we are like today. Therefore, be wise for what you do and
don’t let regret be with you at the end of the day when you were about to die.
By the way, please don’t let us Cancer patient feel left out from the society.
Pay a visit to us all once in a blue moon because this shows that the community
still cares about us and we still have a chance to bring the country to a new
frontier. May you all be well and happy! May you all be bless with great health
and great fortune! Goodbye and thank
you! By the way Happy Chinese New Year!” I wished everyone in the lecture hall
and gave a smile to them before living the stage.